It's 1980 and Queen released a huge, timeless hit, "Another One Bites the Dust." Imagine if someone wrote a parody about today's "fake" opioid crisis and put it to music. Wouldn't that be entertaining? Imagine no longer. Here it is.
For those of you who don't follow the details of the so-called "opioid crisis" (finally being appropriately named the fentanyl crisis), some of the terms, names, and groups (like PROP) may be unfamiliar. Here's a primer.
PROP stands for Physicians for Responsible Opioid Prescribing – a group of ethically challenged, anti-opioid zealots consisting of (mostly) non-practicing academics. Some of its members have made a not-so-small fortune as expert witnesses in lawsuits against drug companies for having the unmitigated gall to manufacture essential painkillers, regardless of whether they did anything wrong or not.
PROP is why you can barely get opioid pain meds anymore, even after a painful procedure like having wisdom tooth pulled. It's also responsible for an enormous number of "pain refugees" – long-term opioid users with serious, painful diseases and medical conditions. This group, which is dependent upon, but not addicted to, opioids has had their meds involuntarily tapered or taken away entirely and they suffer constantly. The president of PROP is Andrew Kolodny, who is somehow seen by the press as "America's opioid expert." Hint: Do not mention his name to a pain patient.
This parody of Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust" is dedicated to the whole unsavory lot of them.
[You have to listen to the ------> opening riff first. One of the best ever.]
(Or better still, watch the YouTube video below. It's 3 minutes of greatness.)
Another One Bites the Dust as Written for PROP
[RIFF repeated 5 times]
Let's go!
Andy Kolodny walks down the street.
His pockets stuffed with dough.
Ain't no sound but the sound of his feet
Lawsuits ready to go.
Are you ready? Hey!
Are you ready for this?
Is your mission now complete?
Out of the doorway, the bodies fall
Victims of your own deceit.
(Thump thump thump)
Another one bites the dust
(Thump thump thump)
Another one bites the dust
And the fentanyl flows and the body count grows
Another one bites the dust
Hey, it's gonna get you too.
Karma ain't unjust.
(Guitar solo)
How do you think I'm gonna get along
When my meds are nearly gone
You took all the pills that I had in my life
And left me out on my own
Are you happy? Are you satisfied?
Are you getting rich with PROP?
Out of the doorway, the bodies fall
Do you hear them drop? Hey!
(Thump thump thump)
Another one bites the dust
(Thump thump thump)
Another one bites the dust
And the fentanyl flows, and the body count grows
Another one bites the dust
Hey, it's gonna get you too.
Karma ain't unjust.
(Drum solo and Freddie Mercury dancing)
There are plenty of ways that you can hurt a man
And leave him full of pain
You can beat him, you can cheat him, you can treat him bad
And give him just Novocain.
But no, I’m not ready for you
Can’t stand on my own two feet
You took away all my opiates
And now I’m obsolete. Yeah!
(Thump thump thump)
Another one bites the dust
(Thump thump thump)
Another one bites the dust
(Fade out…)
