Should you be laboring under the delusion that we are experiencing a moron shortage in this country fear not. July 4th may not create any new morons, but it sure brings plenty of them out of hibernation. Here are three examples of people doing the most incredibly stupid things. The expression "everything is funny when it's happening to someone else" could not be truer than what you're about to see. Prepare yourself.
1. Moron uses his face as a blast shield. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V---YOh9Hzk)
When I watched this one I peed my seat. Or someone else did. Still investigating.
So, here we have a guy essentially building a bomb for Halloween using a protective cloth on the table. What could possibly go wrong?
2. Might want to bone up on the concepts "up" and "down." (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQf6epYt-B8)
3. What better place to light off a firecracker than a crowded van? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6df-0fZG_E)
The chuckleheads in the first two videos don't come across as all that bright. But they are Mensa members compared to these three. There is precisely one possible outcome for this experiment - bad. Yet, they persevere nonetheless.
Let's see what happens when you light two ginormous firecrackers in a crowded van.
It's a good thing that two of them appear to be so happy because that ain't gonna last long. It would seem that grouchy guy only owns one expression. It is impossible to discern whether or not he is happy.
On the left, it would appear that the group is following suboptimal safety protocol. But they finally come to their senses and then all is well.
So, I gotta hit the road. Don't want to miss the fireworks. Traffic's going to be a bitch on the Long Island Expressway (1). Have fun and be safe. I hear there are going to be moron checkpoints in New York. There better be a whole lot of cops on duty.
(1) I don't know why this wretched road is called an "expressway." It is impossible to look at the speed limit signs and not laugh. I am routinely passed by box turtles.