6 Foods the Lawyer Who Made a Fortune Suing Over Food Illness Won't Eat

By Hank Campbell — Jun 17, 2016
Attorney Bill Marler has collected $600 million suing and settling foodborne-illness cases. Right now, he's zeroing in on Chipotle over its E. coli and norovirus outbreaks. If your company does not want to be sued for poisoning customers, don't sell these six things.

Attorney Bill Marler has won $600 million suing and settling foodborne-illness cases. Right now, he is suing Chipotle because of their E. coli and norovirus outbreaks.

So if your company also does not want to be sued for poisoning customers, you might take some advice on what foods he avoids after 20 years of litigation. Just don't sell this stuff.

Raw milk. This seems like an IQ test in 2016 but there are a number of people who think science stopped in 1816. For that we can thank groups like Natural Resources Defense Council and dark-money-funded Deniers for Hire like SourceWatch, who raise and spend a billion dollars a year terrifying people about science and the modern world. Still, only the dumbest of the dumb anti-science hippies drink this stuff. I bet not even NRDC 's political science majors don't.

Raw sprouts. Want your food rotting in a pool of fetid water? Raw sprouts are for you. These are so commonly known to be salmonella waiting to happen than even those possessed by the naturalistic fallacy, like people who think Mother Jones and SourceWatch are credible sources of information about science, avoid them. Still, if you believe the Whole Foods bar code scanner is radiating your food, you probably think raw anything is better.


Pre-cut fruits and vegetables. You should wash your vegetables, but not because of pesticides. If you buy organic food, you definitely need to wash them because of bacteria.

Plus, the more people touching your food before you eat it, the more risk of contamination involved. Many foods have protection against that, like a skin, which will be fine unless your special snowflake is incapable of peeling an orange or a banana. By getting rid of the peel, you increase risk of getting ill. Here is Whole Foods, again, making it convenient for wealthy elites to be better parents than you while ruining the environment, which led Nathalie Gordon to send out this hilarious Tweet.


"If only nature could find a way to cover these oranges so we didn't need to waste so much plastic on them." 

Raw eggs. Unless you are Rocky, I don't see why you would even consider this. In 1975, may have been an urban legend among boxers, and somewhere out there either Joe Mercola or that Health Ranger guy is probably selling "raw eggs" as some kind of super supplement, but there is no nutritional benefit to a raw egg and some risk. Like a pineapple, these are pretty well sealed but you can't always see cracks in the shell.

Raw oysters. While Marler's claim that global warming is making the microbial risk of shellfish greater veers toward wacky, his overall point about raw oysters is not. Anyway, people love them. This is a small risk that only a food litigator and a select group of microbiologists worry about. Much the same as ...

Rare steak. Okay, this is just crazy talk. A properly stored and seared steak is not going to have any real risk of illness because the outside is what matters, not the inside. Now, some people buy organic pineapple and organic onions too, that also makes no sense, but you shouldn't be among them in either instance.

Aside from something obvious, like the blowfish (because of tetrodotoxin, which is 100 times more deadly than cyanide) are there any foods he or I should have included? Let me know in a comment.