For any of you expecting an erudite discussion about medicine, opioid policy, or even a chemistry lesson I apologize in advance. My week rhymed with "witty" and I need to vent. Fortunately, I was spoon fed the following, which isn't all that different than dropping Kobe beef into a tank of starving piranhas.
Image: NatureZway
Bamboo toilet paper? Where to begin? How about a contest? Whoever comes up with the worst product slogan for this stuff wins a badass ACSH coffee mug! Get 'em while they last. I'll start*.
"Be kind to your rectum. Paper rolls? Just reject 'em" (mic drop)
* Disclaimer: I'm the judge AND a participant. The fix is in.
Mmmmm!
Your turn.
[PUT YOUR ENTRIES IN THE COMMENTS SECTION, LOSERS]
Given the existence of bamboo toilet paper, isn't is only natural to wonder what other innovations NatureZway might offer? Look no further.
Here's another: NatureZway's bamboo dog sponge! But is the thing any good? Let's run an experiment...
1. Steve, a dog-loving planet-saver decides to try out the bamboo sponge on Foofie. Things start off well enough...
Images: NatureZway, List25.com,
2. But, note the subtle change in Foofie's demeanor. Perhaps he didn't enjoy the bamboo dog sponge bath all that much.
Image:Gfycat.com
3. He did not.
Foofie, who has mysteriously changed color, breed, and size, expresses his displeasure to Steve.
Image: Mamothsafari.com
And then, we have these things, which are compostable! But you pay a price for the compostability...
That's sure a lot of money for a grocery bag. Almost highway robbery. Perhaps that's why it looks like the bag it holding its hands up. Maybe that's why this image comes to mind...
Dandy Andy gets held up by Granny. Photo: YouTube
Well, boys and girls. I hope you've enjoyed the show. Don't forget to put your (losing) contest entries in the comments section. You might even finish second!
Josh Bloom
Dr. Jonathan (Josh) Bloom, ACSH's Director of Chemical and Pharmaceutical Sciences, earned his Ph.D. at the University of Virginia and completed postdoctoral training at the University of Pennsylvania. During his 20-plus years in drug discovery at Wyeth, his research group discovered the antibiotic Tygacil®, approved in 2005. He holds 25 issued patents and has authored 35 academic papers. Since joining ACSH in 2010, he has written more than 2,000 articles and dozens of op-eds for major newspapers, including The Wall Street Journal and Chicago Tribune.
