The Burning Man Orgy Tent offers baby wipes, ushering in a new era in public health.

Image by ACSH using AI

If one were to pick the most important milestone in the annals of public health history, what would you choose?

Would it be Edward Jenner's development of the smallpox vaccine (1796), which eventually led to this terrifying infection being wiped from the planet in 1980?

How about Pasteur's experiments, which helped establish the germ theory of disease in 1861? [1]

Or maybe you prefer Alexander Fleming's 1928 discovery of penicillin, which revolutionized the treatment of bacterial infections?

For Baby Boomers, perhaps it's the day that church bells rang across the US on April 12, 1955, when the Salk polio vaccine was shown to prevent a disease that terrified US parents. 

Those are all viable candidates, but the list just got longer: A new article in The Mirror US Edition reports another giant leap for humanity that threatens to relegate these former great accomplishments to second-class historical footnotes.

In fact, it may absolutely wipe the floor with the earlier candidates:

Burning Man Festival has a lot of unique experiences on offer, one of which is the famous Orgy Dome, where festival-goers can enjoy sex with two or more people

Scarlett O'Toole, Assistant Showbiz Editor, 8/23/26

(No, I did not make up the author's name.)

The orgy tent in all its microbial mastery

The Burning Man Orgy Dome isn't unique because of its shape. No, it's a celebration of free love à la Woodstock on Viagra. And free antibiotics – the latter presumably needed to treat participants' “burning men,” or whatever genitalic malady happens to befall them.

The Dome of Doom, Gloom, and a Biohazard Room

The tent is even more intriguing than you'd think. Upon arrival, people yearning for their VD degree are met by a guide who gifts them not only with baby wipes but also hand disinfectant, although hands would seem to be the least of the problems. They are “escorted to a mattress” – a quote directly from Ms. O'Toole's tool.

The tent has a veritable festival for all: Herpes Haven, Gonorrhea Grove, and the always popular Syphilis Salon are just a few of the venereal delights that await those brave enough to approach "The Mattress."

Some Thoughts About the Mattress

Note that the article does not mention "the bed" or even "the sheets." No, it's the mattress. This is absolutely screaming for some answers:

• Is there only one mattress?
• How many people will be using it/them?
• Are sheets provided?
• If so, who changes them, and what did that person do in a previous life to deserve this?
• At the end of Burning Man, it's only natural to wonder whether they will burn the mattress.
• Or will it be too wet?

Fortunately, the Burning Man Copulation Corps, a former elite Army unit whose members were all dishonorably discharged, has provided answers. But you may not like them.

I was wrong. There are multiple mattresses

According to Burning Man:

• In 2022, more than 8,000 people visited the Dome.
• Using the current setup of about 80 mattresses, that's roughly 100 people per mattress.
• The Dome operated over six days.
• Using 72 operating hours, that's about 111 people per hour, or 1,333 per day.
• Or, expressed in the internationally recognized unit of Orgy Dome Activity (ODA), about 1.4 people per mattress per hour.

Is there anyone out there who doesn't feel like hurling at the moment?

It could be worse

The ATTOL website (And Then There's Only Love) emphasizes that what you're imagining (one sheet for 100 people of questionable personal hygiene), worry not. 

Clean sheets are provided free of charge and placed in color-coded bins designed to make the volunteers' “back-end duties” easier.

Man, this stuff writes itself.

NOTE:

[1] Yet, it's 2026, and RFK Jr. doesn't fully accept germ theory, according to Paul Offit, who clearly does.