Men: Wipe After You Pee (As Sung by the Rolling Stones)

Image: ACSH

An Instagram post called “Dab the Tip” went berserk after some guy named Chris Petrone suggested that men should dab after urinating to prevent certain infections, best not discussed over lunch.

Well, men—wanna know the truth?

Well, it's April Fool’s Day, and you won't find it here.

Let’s put this to music. How about a parody of one of the most famous songs of all time?

I ain't got no
Yeast infection
I don’t need no
Damn injection 

’Cause I try
I comply
Got a dry
Little guy

I can’t get no

I can’t get no

When I'm peein’ in a bar
And a man stands right behind me
And he's tellin' me to get a jar

’Cause he ain't got the information
On post-pee contamination

I can’t get no

No no no!

Hey hey hey!

No drops, no spray!

I can't get no
Satisfaction
I don’t need no
Diaper action

’Cause I try
I comply

Got a dry
Little guy

 I can’t get no

I can’t get no

When I’m watching my TV
And a man comes on to tell me
That I better blot my pee

But he can’t be a man
’Cause he doesn’t drip
A stray drop on his knee

I can’t get no…
No no no!

Hey hey hey
(Fade out)