Most people who want to scare folks for Halloween do it with a frightening costume or elaborate yard display. Not the Environmental Working Group, alas. EWG has just released its “Tips to Green Your Halloween” guide, doing its best to scare parents about all the supposed hidden dangers of a wide range of products.
“Parents need to be careful of face paints, lipstick, nail polish, cosmetics, fragrances, hairspray and candles,” says ACSH Dr. Gilbert Ross with an eye roll, reading off the EWG’s laundry list of Halloween “safety” tips. “With all the chemicals out there, I am astounded we all grew up, and even had some fun trick-or-treating, without their advice.”
Mysteriously, the EWG warns parents about the “toxic compounds” candles can supposedly give off — while neglecting to mention they can, y’know, burn your house down if left unattended. (Candles start 15,600 home fires annually, causing 1,270 injuries and 150 deaths, according to the U.S. Fire Administration)
EWG also advises parents to “create a low-impact” costume, “decorate naturally,” and hand out treats with “fewer, more natural ingredients.”
“Why don’t we just forget the whole holiday?” incredulously asks ACSH’s Dr. Elizabeth Whelan.
Dr. Ross summarizes the EWG’s advice: “Stay inside, don’t eat anything, and don’t go near the windows.”
“And take off your shoes before you go in,” adds Dr. Whelan.
Hey EWG — next time you’re trying to scare people, ACSH recommends simply draping a sheet over your head and jumping out from behind a tree while yelling “Boo!”