Drowning in Morons

By Josh Bloom — Apr 03, 2020
There has never been a shortage of idiots on the planet, but sometimes it takes an earth-shattering event to help them reach their full potential. A little humor for dark times.

The old aphorism that crises bring out both the best and worst in people certainly holds true during these times of the 120-nanometer (0.0000047 inches) monster that has hijacked the entire world. 

Sure there are plenty of extraordinary stories of individuals (especially healthcare workers) putting themselves in great jeopardy – often without proper personal protection equipment – to care for the avalanche of sick and dying patients, who themselves are at unimaginable risk because we can't seem to figure out how to get enough ventilators to ICUs throughout the country. 

But I happen to be in an especially vile mood today, so let's forget about the positive and accentuate the negative.  Instead, let's play a game – "Pick Your Favorite Moron," and don't be constrained by whatever I happen to jabber about here. Please contribute! It can only make this ludicrous exercise better/worse.

So, without further ado, let's play...

Where to start? It's not so easy.

How about here? 

#1: Cabo Spring Break - Morons in Mexico

Making your parents proud. Photo: Victor Ruiz Garcia/Reuters

To be fair, alcohol is a great disinfectant, but there is scant data to support its efficacy when administered orally. Simply put, the science isn't there. Nonetheless, kudos to this brave young woman for sacrificing her health and well-being for the greater good. 

According to an April 1st article in the NY Times (could you possibly pick a better date?), 70 geniuses from the University of Texas at Austin chartered a plane to Cabo San Lucas in Mexico. What could possibly go wrong? Not much, really. A mere 44 of the 70 caught the bug! Why that's less than a 63% infection rate (I did the math because I'm betting that 63% of the students from UT Austin probably can't.) How many people will these idiots infect when they return? Bet it's more than 44. 


#2 - Dr. Oz Steps Up to the Plate. And Whiffs. As Usual.

I have no explanation for why FOX decided to use Dr. Oz to offer expert advice on the outlook for coronavirus disease. Perhaps Justin Bieber was busy that day...

Celebrity Jeopardy! If you're wondering why Justin Bieber made it to Final Jeopardy it's very simple. Gwyneth Paltrow got tripped up when she couldn't come up with a fruit beginning in "ORANG" that is also a color. And Jenny McCarthy ran into trouble when she asked the question "What is a barbell?" to "These sharp, very thin hollow metal tubes are attached to syringes and are used to inject vaccines."

To be fair, Dr. Oz was pretty accurate...

Or maybe not. Six days later in the Washington Post:

Oh Justin, please come back. We need you.


#3 Fools in Florida

If you look carefully at the photo below you might pick up one or two minor violations of the social distancing paradigm. 

While this hardly bespeaks well of college students in Florida, I must regretfully report that they did not take the top prize.

Perhaps it should go to...

“If I get corona, I get corona. At the end of the day, I’m not going to let it stop me from partying.”

Brady Sluder, New York Times, March 24, 2020

To his credit, Mr. Sluder did offer a sincere and eloquent apology for his poor attitude. I wonder who wrote it for him.

Just in case you might want to speak with Mr. Sluder I have included his photo as well as the very last place on earth you are likely to find him.

An unlikely combination. Photos: (Left) 90 million places on the Internet. (Right) Lisa M. Nousek blog

Since there isn't a proven therapy for coronavirus (yet) the best I can offer is a little humor. Try to smile. 





Josh Bloom

Director of Chemical and Pharmaceutical Science

Dr. Josh Bloom, the Director of Chemical and Pharmaceutical Science, comes from the world of drug discovery, where he did research for more than 20 years. He holds a Ph.D. in chemistry.

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