Pickleball: Life and Death

Once you reach a certain age, people you know start checking out faster than at the front desk at a Ramada Inn. It colors your perspective.

Example: while waiting for our turn at the pickleball court (aka the opium den), the geezers (one guy’s 88!) trade the usual banter. But sometimes it veers dark: Like “So… what’s your preferred way of leaving the planet?”

Mine? Serving in a 10–10 game with half a jelly donut stuffed in my mouth.

The others, mostly the men, often lean toward the puerile (and appalingly unoriginal), which is not unexpected since this is what dirty old men do.

How did we get here?

The game is spreading like gonorrhea in a Burning Man orgy tent. And it’s no accident; data suggests (more or less) that pickleball is more addictive than heroin.

Check out (sorry) the numbers:

• About 900,000 people use heroin each year.
• Between 20 and 48 million people now play pickleball – a fourfold increase in just three years.
• It's not clear how many are addicted to both.
• The addiction is so real that it arguably deserves its own DSM diagnosis. Psychiatrists might call it "Pickleball Use Disorder." Players call it Tuesday.

One can only appreciate the madness by watching a bunch of idiots sprinting to the court, paddles in hand, despite lightning, thunder, and hailstones the size of canned hams.

Life or Death? Or Both?

While pickleball is racking up orthopedic bills, it might also be the only thing keeping us alive long enough to ponder our impending demise. The press, as usual, focuses on the negative (yes, these are real):

• Doctors warn pickleball is a drug
• You Should Talk to Your Grandpa About the Dangers of Pickleball
• A freak pickleball accident left him paralyzed
  
• Pickleball Injury Surge in Seniors: ER Visits Climb
• 14 Most Common Pickleball Injuries
• Most Pickleball hospitalizations are for cardiac arrest (that's comforting, right?)

The injuries are real, but the data is skewed

While people may believe that pickleball injuries are random and unpredictable, the opposite is often true. Yes, there are plenty of injuries, but this is not solely due to the sport itself. 

The game is "easy" in the sense that pretty much anyone can pick up a paddle and start playing. This is where the injury scares are so prominent, and also where the addiction comes in. Most players tell the same story: They started off "giving it a try," and the next thing you know, they're skipping meals, forgetting to pick up the kids after school, cancelling job interviews... It's a lot of fun, and it grabs you right away. 

Most of the injuries are a result of Dorito-powered slobs whose physical activity over the past 25 years has been limited to rolling over during a power nap. Yes, anyone can play, and it is those "anyones" who give the sport a bad name. Real data backs this up. The most important risk factors are:

Age is unsurprisingly the most important risk factor. Age = poorer balance + osteoporosis; more falls and more serious injuries from the falls. As I mentioned earlier, it's an easy sport to start, and this attracts older people who would never try tennis or basketball.  

*This is one you really don't want. Future pickleball career is dubious

** Yes, I know I shouldn't have included this, especially since it's false. In reality, about half the players I know are women, many of whom can kick my ass. 

The benefit is real

A sedentary lifestyle kills millions.

• Physical inactivity is responsible for about 3.2 million deaths annually worldwide
• In the U.S., inactivity is responsible for  ~350,000 premature deaths every year
• Regular moderate activity lowers the risk of cardiovascular disease by 20–30%
• Moderate activity (like pickleball [1]) can add 7 years of life expectancy 

Will Pickleball Save Your Life? Pickleball vs. doing nothing

• There are about 19,000 pickleball-related ER injuries per year in the U.S., mostly among geezers.
• Compare that with the tens of millions harmed by inactivity-related heart disease, diabetes, and obesity.
• The game improves heart health, balance, strength, and mental acuity.
• It's exercise without having to exercise. Two hours go by really fast. 

So yes, pickleball sends ~19,000 people limping into the ER each year. But inactivity quietly kills 350,000 Americans annually. Gimme the damn paddle.

Bottom Line

Here’s the kicker: the real danger isn’t pickleball — it’s sitting still. Give it a try. Pickleball isn’t necessarily about cheating death; it’s about making it entertaining. Personally, I still hope to go out swinging — paddle in one hand, jelly donut in the other.

NOTE:

[1] Moderate activity, my ass. After running around like an idiot and chasing balls that I should just let go, I feel like I ran a marathon pulling a Buick behind me.