Stop The Presses! Dude Wipes Changes Its Logo!

Are you ready for some REALLY big news?

I'm not talking about trivial nonsense like nuclear war threats, cures for cancer, or the inability of the Yankees to hit a baseball thrown by a pitcher who happens to have an arm or two. This is earth-shattering. 

Dude Wipes, a brand that is as well-known, if not more so, than Coke or Chevrolet, just dropped a bomb (sorry) on us. More on this later. 

Dude Wipes Ain't Messing Around

A recent X post proves this. Note the exquisite literary craftsmanship!

Should we take this literally? And if the answer is yes, should it be a FaceTime call?

Now, the Big News. Please be seated. Perhaps on the toilet.

What's not to like? I'm thinking the Andy Warhol Museum might have a spare wall. Maybe even the Met.

Yes, it's true. The company's masterpiece is such fine art that the company must have paid a s###load of dollars to create. But the visual brilliance of this movement should not overshadow the Big Message of what else is going on in "Dude Wipe World." Let's reach around and get the poop on what's going on behind the scenes.

Dude Wipes: Wiping away years of gender equality

Dude Wipes Gets Off to a Blatantly Sexist Start

Let’s be clear: there is no universe in which suggesting men are superior to women is a safe endeavor. Not even in the “plop crop” or “doodie dimension.” Yet three “doods” strutted onto Shark Tank, pitched their extra-large fragrance-free wipes, and "man-friendly"  idea, they found their patron saint in Mark Cuban— the owner of the Dallas Mavericks, a team that’s managed exactly one NBA championship in 25 years. Next thing you know, they were flush [1] with cash.

Coincidence? You decide. Either way,  Dude Wipes were born.

Are Dude Wipes discriminatory? Arguably, yes, meaning that Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem are probably rolling in their graves at this blatant setback for women’s equality. (This is admittedly unlikely since Steinem is still alive.)

Because what message does this send? That men get wipes marketed for their gleaming sphincters while women must soldier on with baby wipes or, heaven forbid, toilet paper? So much for equality.

Such a shame.

Finally, if only the name of another Dude Wipes product, Dude Bombs, was indicative of the product's ability to handle an even bigger payload, we'd be looking at one of the best product names in advertising history. Sadly, this is not the case.

Nope, it's a toilet product. Came up just short of greatness. 

NOTE:

(1) These things are advertised as "flushable," but I wonder. With a sufficiently powered toilet, you could flush a hippopotamus. But as you already know, toilets ain't what they used to be. Mine can handle a sesame seed without issues. After that, you're on your own.

[2] I first covered Dude Wipes in 2022. Here's a different way to waste your time.