If only it were April 1st...
But what follows is real.
Scientists at the University of Maryland have created
Smart Underwear, the first wearable device designed to measure human flatulence.
University of Maryland, 2/10/26 [1]
It goes without saying that a feat of this magnitude merits a rigorous, peer-reviewed analysis. If you're looking for that, leave this site immediately.
What follows are some selected passages from the article, as published in Medical Xpress (MX), along with my comments.
MX: Objective measurement gives us an opportunity to increase scientific rigor in an area that's been difficult to study.
JB: This is downright astounding, given that flatus-sniffing academics have had their noses to the grindstone—among other places—for decades.
MX: A team led by UMD assistant research scientist Santiago Botasini found that healthy adults produced flatus an average of 32 times per day.
JB: One might question the thoroughness of the recruiting phase. They obviously missed my brother.
MX: By tracking hydrogen in flatus, the device helps scientists revisit long-standing assumptions about how often people actually fart.
JB: Hydrogen? He could have filled the Hindenburg before lunch.
MX: As gastroenterologist Michael Levitt, known in the field as the "King of Farts," wrote in 2000...
JB: It must be challenging for Levitt to get this into his CV, let alone a dating site. Could be worse. Duke of Diarrhea. Sultan of Sharts.
The King of Farts, as envisioned by AI
MX: We don't actually know what normal flatus production looks like...Without [a] baseline, it's hard to know when someone's gas production is truly excessive.
JB: I disagree. If you blast one out every time you step off the curb, that's excessive.
MX: Previous research relied on invasive techniques in small studies or self-reporting, which suffers from missed events, imperfect memory, and the impossibility of logging gas while asleep.
JB: Invasive techniques?? Now there's a clinical trial I'll pass on. Perhaps others feel otherwise. After all, having a gas sensor the size of a trombone inserted into your anus might be seen by some as delightful. Some people enjoy flying out of LaGuardia Airport. No accounting for taste.
Finally, there's this, which seems to be self-evident:
MX: Visceral sensitivity also varies widely: two people can produce similar amounts of flatus yet experience it very differently.
JB: You bet! If we produce something foul, our response is something like "Hmm, I wonder if that's from the pork chop I ate last night," while others will be flying out of the room as if escaping a four-alarm blaze.
The Human Flatus Atlas will establish objective baselines for gut microbial fermentation, which is essential groundwork for evaluating how dietary, probiotic, or prebiotic interventions change microbiome activity.
Department of Cell Biology and Molecular Genetics, University of Maryland, DOI: 10.1016/j.biosx.2025.100699
See? It's real. And it's a gas.
NOTE:
[1] The original paper can be found here.
Josh Bloom
Director of Chemical and Pharmaceutical Science
Dr. Josh Bloom, the Director of Chemical and Pharmaceutical Science, comes from the world of drug discovery, where he did research for more than 20 years. He holds a Ph.D. in chemistry.
